Thursday, 23 June 2016

Facing fears

I've registered a team to be part of a 48-hour Film Contest this weekend. It is put on through Winnipeg Film Group and all short films will be screened at the Gimli Film Festival. 

So many feeling arise through this process. Mostly there is alternating excitement and fear. Excitement as I go through all the steps with this amazing team of people around me... writing the script, filling out applications for permits and insurance and actors, finding out cast, looking for props, preparing my house, making shooting schedules and meeting agendas and organizing details. I am loving it all. I even bought a Directors slate. 

Only in the moments when I begin to compare myself with other filmmakers do I feel fear. Or when I look at my life from the outside in.. what am I doing making a film and competing against 25 other teams, many of them seasoned filmmakers. Do I know how to be a director?

And also... I feel a deep sense of "who am I not to?" I know my life has been leading me here to this point. This feels like the beginning of what I am supposed to be doing. I have been dreaming of this path for so many years and I let fear hold me back. Fear can rob us of so many beautiful experiences. 

No more. I want to live my life fully.. to give what I have to the universe. To be willing to try.. to learn.. to grow. I know I have always had so many creative expressions inside me.. it is time to finally be brave and set myself free. 

Sunday, 8 May 2016

This moment

You know those moments when you just know you are in the right place at the right time. When you can feel meaning in everything. Trusting you are exactly where you are meant to be. 

Today is one of those days. 

Sitting at a craft show selling my journals and stones. It's a quiet one, as I expected. But the people I have crossed paths with.. the meaningful connections.. the impact. I can feel it all. 

Sitting with such trust in my heart. Overflowing love. Grateful for all the gifts of my life. Thank you universe. 

Friday, 15 April 2016

Adventures in fIlmmaking

What an amazing journey I have been on these past weeks and months. I've been delving fully into the world of filmmaking. Learning about directing, writing, lighting, audio, camera movement, producing, and editing. I have learned how to turn a story into a script, then into a list of shots and a storyboard. I have played with sliders, dollies, gimbals, a jib crane, and got to wear a steadicam. I have made new friends and had inspiring teachers.  It's been such a wonderful adventure so far. I am loving it all. 

Tomorrow I am scheduled to direct my own short film, with my classmates as my crew. I have my actors, permit to occupy the sidewalk in the exchange, permission from my first choice of restaurant and my props. They are calling for a heavy downpour, so we might get rescheduled.. or we might go ahead. I'm so excited!!

It's only a couple minute short film. We have three hours to film it all. Mine is about the connection between people and the way we can impact each other's lives. It is about destiny... and my stones. We've been told by many of our instructors that our first film is supposed to suck, so that takes the pressure off. I am just happy to be doing it. 

I have the total support of my love and my friends. It feels good. The funny thing is that I have been wanting to take this course for years. I let fear stop me. I was so intimidated by it. But here I am.. facing my fears. Doing it anyway. Finally!!

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

Late Night Musings

It was a long day.. an inspiring day. Work, a coffee with a friend who's a documentary filmmaker, and then a Directing class at Winnipeg Film Group. The first day of class in the basic filmmaking course. 

Questions. Who are you? What do you stand for? 

Lots of reflecting tonight. I am in the midst of change... feeling simultaneous endings and beginnings. It feels like the universe is asking me to emerge from my cocoon. To take flight. 

I am afraid, but I know I must go. I am being challenged to grow. I'm using every bit of courage and trust. Following my truth down the path of fear and uncertainty. Because that is where my heart is being pulled. 

Tuesday, 8 March 2016


Airports and office training and explorations and a hotel room with a giant king bed. I love exploring life and seeing new places. I have truly enjoyed the past couple days of work and felt proud to be in Ottawa training 7 staff in Adobe InDesign... equally proud of how quickly they learned. I loved their enthusiasm, openess, and how they welcomed me. 

Going away takes me out if my routine and shakes my world a little bit. I love that. I realize this is the first time I've travelled alone in a while. Lots of reflecting and a beautiful opportunity to connect more deeply with myself. 

As much as I love being away, I also love returning back home. To my friends, my steady, my cats, my cozy bed and the life I have created that I love so much. 

Grateful for so many things. Thank you universe. 

Friday, 4 March 2016

Art Challenge

Some friends started a 31 day art challenge for the month of March and I have been joining them. I love weaving creativity into my life as much as I can. This challenge has no rules, and if you feel like joining, you can share via social media with #31daysartyourself. I've been playing with some layering of photos on a photoshop app that I have on my phone, mixing various media, created a brochure for work and today am uploading a video that I shot of my friend Serena last fall.

Day 1: Tree Art

Day 2: A49 Sports & Entertainment Brochure

Day 3: Dear Universe
Day 4: Northern Pike by Serena Postel

Thursday, 3 March 2016


I am embracing the silence within me. The emptiness. The aloneness.
Remembering how to simply be with all that is.

I am reconnecting to myself. To my separateness. The space that will always exist between me and others. No matter how much we try to connect, we must also accept that we are alone. 

Today I am feeling sadness and melancholy. And also deep gratitude. So much is flowing through me. Feeling longings of the heart, memories of lives gone by, and the scars of old wounds. Feeling peace too, and infinite possibility. Allowing all that comes. Noticing. Watching. Accepting. 

Monday, 29 February 2016

What do you say when there are no words?

awoke in the middle of the night. 
The long awaited news...

 It took the wind from my sails. 
Almost a year of hoping, praying, trying, and waiting. 
Preparing myself... unable to fully prepare myself for this. 
Not ready for the response once it came.

The end of a chapter. 

And the beginning of another. 

I don't understand. 
I am heartbroken. 
And still... some part of me trusts. 

Even this. That I don't understand... 
Even this has reason. 

I grieve the loss of my desires and dreams for how this was supposed to go. And surrender to the truth that I will never know how this moment was supposed to go. 

I am sad. 
My heart aches for all that I cannot control and may never understand. 
And still, I trust. 

I trust the need to be on this path in this moment. Each of us. This is where we must be. 

May we find our highest purpose here and now. 
May we live in honour of that purpose. May we be exactly who and where we are meant to be. 
For the highest good of all. 

I trust. 

Sunday, 28 February 2016

Journals for sale

Yesterday, I posted an online gallery of some journals for sale. I have been spending a lot more time and energy on this little side project. Enjoying shopping for books (with lots of help from Kari, who has now become a vintage book buying addict). Loving the meditative process of cutting books and paper, binding, stamping. 

If you are interested in a new journal made from an old book, you can check them out here.

Here are a few from the album.

Friday, 26 February 2016


Everything is up to fate again. 
I close my eyes. 
Pray for the best thing to happen. 
For the highest good of all. 

Holding my breath in anticipation. 
Whatever happens.... may we trust there is reason. 

Tuesday, 23 February 2016

Infinite possibilities

This is how I'm feeling this moment. 

Every part of my life. 
Fully in the present. 
Looking towards the future. 

Infinite possibilities. 

Trusting what is meant to be will be. 
For the highest good of all. 

Monday, 22 February 2016

Dreaming Tree Paper Company

I have been spending a considerable amount of time lately on my side projects. One of those is a little company I started called Dreaming Tree Paper Company, where I upcycle old hardcover books into journals. I have been making and selling them at craft shows for years, but am finally trying to take things to the next level. I revamped my website this week, dropped off journals to a store in the Forks who has just started carrying them. I have also just applied for a few big craft shows and am meeting with a bigger store to talk about possibilities. I am dreaming big, because.. why not?

As part of all that, I did a little photo shoot the other day. I will be launching an online gallery for sales to friends and community soon. Feel free to email me if you are interested in knowing more.

Thursday, 18 February 2016

I'm Possible

Sometimes things come to us at just the moment we need them. That is what happened with this video yesterday.
Wow… it has been a long time since something has resonated and reached me this deeply. 
Every single part of this reached me. 

I have been needing this. Asking for this.
We all need this. (please... take the time and watch this).

It is a reminder...
Anything is possible.
Everything is possible.

Jeremy Cowart, you are an inspiration.
I am bursting with possibility.

Thank you K.
Thank you Universe.

Monday, 15 February 2016

Finding My Way

The words haven't been flowing as much lately.. not here anyway.
But, life... life has been flowing.

The days have been full lately. Friends, coffee dates, skating, more skating, a forest walk, dinners, breakfasts, birthday parties, dates, a house concert, antique and thrift store shopping, reading, journal writing (gratitude lists, ideas, dreams, reflections), a wedding social, a Jets hockey game, filming a music video... so so many beautiful things.

There have been beautiful surprises, wins, generous donations, unexpected losses and disappointments. There has been a little of everything. The ebbs and flows of life.

I have been trying not to stress about work and money.. but to stay open to what the universe will bring. Knowing that very soon I will have to do something. A decision will be necessary. I have been inspired and full of ideas - creativity bursting out. And I have options, for which I am extremely grateful. I am once again reaching out into the universe... in all directions that my heart is pulled and seeing what comes.

I am still trying to find my way. Settling into the unknown. Knowing that sometimes we have to become totally lost before we find our way.

Saturday, 13 February 2016


I am truly blessed. So many beautiful, full, perfect moments lately. Yesterday.... 

Cuddles with a four year old. Skating on the river with my steady and her ex in -40 weather yesterday. Laughter. Sunshine. Loving the ways love teaches us about transcending boundaries and expectations. Leaving space to be what it is in its highest state - the care and respect and friendliness that exists amongst us all. And then last night...

Such a beautiful group of people. Friends old and new. Connections formed. I held a house concert last night with my friend Rob Waddell - a fundraiser for Claude. I was joined by such an amazing community of friends.. laughter, food, wine, music and so much love. I feel blessed every single day. I can hardly believe we raised $700 last night (thanks to all in attendance including a very generous donation by a dear friend). 

Life is so beautiful all the time. Thank you!

Monday, 8 February 2016

Dan Frechette & Laurel Thomsen

I have known Dan Frechette forever, it seems. I remember meeting him almost 20 years ago at a live show in Winnipeg. We then became close friends. He was one of those amazing songwriters and musicians - he can do anything! He has written thousands of songs by now and is the most entertaining person to have around at a party. He used to busk for a living, so he is a human jukebox. Not only that, but he is a beautiful human being too.

He's living in California these days with his lovely wife (and musical partner) Laurel Thomsen, so I don't get to see him that often. Last summer he was back in Winnipeg for a while. While here, he and Laurel played a house concert in my home in support of Claude. And then I spent a day with them filming a couple music videos. This is one from that day.. filmed out in Birdshill Park. I finally finished editing it.

What an honour to spend time with them. If you ever get a chance to see these two live, don't miss it!

Saturday, 6 February 2016


I've been reminded so many times today. Yesterday. Every day. I have a great life. 

Perfect moments. Laughter. Family. Silence. Peace. Love in my heart. A Creative community. The best cats. A beautiful house in Wolseley. An amazing son. Art nights. House concerts. Music videos. Photo shoots. Friend visits. Concerts at the Times Changed. The most beautiful and talented friends. Big dreams. Craft shows. Ideas. The feeling of home. Mentors. Teachers. Glimpses of purpose. Full heart. Infinite possibilities. 

I am overflowing with gratitude tonight. Overflowing with love. Thank you universe. 

Some photos from the past few days...

Friday, 5 February 2016


I don't even like to admit out loud how stressed I am feeling about money. Trying to trust that I will come out of the valley and that all will work out. It always does. And allowing myself to feel the fear when I look at my credit card bill. To admit out loud that I feel a bit lost in terms of my work.

I know I'm not stuck. I could take on more hours at my 3 day/week job in the architectural firm.. but I haven't wanted to do that. I love leaving space for creativity.. I need to. Just lately, that creativity hasn't necessarily had me keeping up with all my bills. And my generosity has me living much beyond my means. Consistently.

I know I could go back to doing art therapy and I'm certainly being encouraged by some of my friends towards this. But.. I'm not certain about that either. I have been waiting for the universe to lead the way.

I've been applying for some big craft shows, investing in myself and my company - equipment, supplies, website.. spending money to make money. Knowing that in the long run it will all pay off. But in the short term, it can be scary.

This morning, in a moment of depletion and desperation I lay in bed crying. Whispering.. please universe... give me a break. Help lead me where I need to go.

I still don't have the answers and I know I am going to have to do something soon if there isn't a natural shift into a deeper flow of abundance. I am ready for things to be different. I am ready to have enough and to live free of financial stresses. I am ready to live my purpose and give what I am meant to give in the world.

I know there are also some lessons here for me in receiving. In learning not to give so much of myself and to give beyond my means. I know there is lesson in learning to allow others to take care of me. Thank you for the gentle reminders.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Dreaming Tree Paper Company

My life has been full of books lately. Shopping and making journals as I prepare to drop 50 new titles at a store tomorrow and to apply for one of my favourite shows of the year.

I have been making journals from old hardcover books since 2008. It's a creative and meditative process that I love. 

I've spent a bit of time building a new website this week. It still needs some work, but it feels good to make progress towards all these little things that contribute to sustaining the creative life I had chosen.

Thank you universe for helping me live the life I choose. 

Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Rhythm of life

Do I acknowledge that I didn't write yesterday? This is the first thing I'm thinking about. And the answer is yes, yes of course I acknowledge it.  

It's not that I think anyone would even notice if I didn't. I know this challenge is really for me. But I am open. That's how I long to live my life. Open and vulnerable and real. Two feet in. 

I want to show up here when the words are flowing and when they are not flowing. I want to continue to commit to show up here as often as I can. 

And I want to also give myself permission not to show up sometimes. To let myself be fully in all the moments of life. To flow with the natural rhythm of the universe. 

Sunday, 31 January 2016


So many things happened this weekend.. today. The fullness of a life lived with a heart wide open. So many emotions on the surface.. feeling the depths of everything. Reflecting on so many things.

This moment I am filled with such gratitude. My heart is full.
Thank you universe.

It is the last day of January and I am reflecting on my commitment to write everyday here. It has been good.. it has felt important. And it has been hard. My days are so often full that this is the last thing I do. I'll admit that it is often difficult to stop and sit down here to write. Hard to know what to say.. to trust that I will find the words.

But I also know I need this.
The silence within myself at the end of the day.

So.. here I am.
Meeting myself... reaching to you.
Giving whatever I have.
Trusting there is reason.
Knowing it is enough.

Saturday, 30 January 2016


Today I am reminded how easily misunderstandings can happen.
And equally... how easily misunderstandings can be resolved.
With openness. Compassion. Love. Respect.
And a shared desire for peace.

I was reminded of the beauty of friendships.
The importance of staying connected with those who have known us a lifetime.
And equally... with those we have just met.
To see ourselves through the mirrors of all our relationships.
To know where we have come from... and where we have grown to.

Oh life.. you are a beautiful mystery.
I feel you so deeply these days.


Sometimes too many words get spoken and there is nothing left to write. 

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Thank you

Thank you universe.

For this precious life.
For love.
For calling me to my purpose.
For the courage to face my fears.
For the ability to feel my emotions deeply.
For mother earth.
For my family. For my son.
For the inspiration I'm feeling.
For true friendships.
For my community.
For music and art and creativity.
For this mild Winnipeg winter.
For my health. My job. My home.
For helping me trust.
For bringing me everything I need.

So so much to be thankful for.

Wednesday, 27 January 2016


I love when there is space for spontaneity. Tonight.
One of my dear friends comes over on Wednesday nights to run a yoga class in my home. Sometimes it is just she and I. Sometimes a couple others.

She was ready to teach, but what was flowing more naturally was conversation, food, music, video, ideas about creative projects, insights about life. We were inspired and we let ourselves go with it. Giving permission to break our own rules. To hold an intention for one thing, but to leave space for another. Whatever is for our highest good.

I trust we got exactly what we needed tonight.
Thank you universe.

I had hoped to share a video here.. living room sessions style.. but the moments the most magic flowed the camera wasn't on. Isn't that the way... our full presence making them magic.

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Note to Self

I was on twitter today and came across this article in the Toronto Star that intrigued me, What Advice would you give your younger self? It was about a project that the Aurora photography club did called Note to Self shooting 101 portraits and asking participants to write a short (200 word) letter to their younger self. They then asked them to submit a photo of them in their childhood.

The letters were really amazing.. they inspired me to do the same.

Julie Epp, 39 years old, and as a young child

Dear Julie,

You’re going to face some hard times.
Sometimes you will feel lost, sad and alone.
It’s okay to feel all your feelings. It's okay to cry.
To be able to feel this deeply is a gift.
Don't lose the precious sensitivity of your heart.

Know that life will get easier.
You will feel love, joy and bliss that deeply too.

People might try to tell you that you aren’t going to make it.
Don't believe them. You will.
You will hear that you aren’t loved.
It isn't true. You are.
It might take a while, but you will one day believe it.

You might be tempted to change in order to be loved.
But be true to yourself... real love doesn't ask you to change.
You will find people who love you for you.

You won’t always fit in. I know this will be hard, but you aren’t supposed to.
You are meant to make your own path in the world.
Don't ever believe you can't do something.
You can do anything!

Love with your heart wide open.
Have compassion for others.
Be courageous.
Follow your heart.
Help people.
Dream big.

Everything is going to work out.
I promise it will.

Sunday, 24 January 2016


Today was one of those days that stands out as perfect.
It wasn't anything earth shattering.
Just a bunch of simple, beautiful, perfect moments lived fully.

Morning coffee and waffles with the most perfect company.
Driving around the city to pick up Nancy Drew books for journal making.
A peaceful solo forest walk.. reconnecting with the beauty of mother earth.
Grocery shopping.. nourishing food.. juicing ingredients.
Home. Laundry, emails, dishes... productivity.
Afternoon skate on the newly opened river trail with Kari and hundreds of others.
All the smiling (beaming) faces. Such joy on this beautiful winter day.
Dreams coming true.
Then home for a quiet night of reading and writing... a hot bath.
A spontaneous visit from my favourite friend. A beautiful shared meal.

This moment now... Jackson is purring at my feet.
My heart is full and overflowing. I feel so at peace.