So many feeling arise through this process. Mostly there is alternating excitement and fear. Excitement as I go through all the steps with this amazing team of people around me... writing the script, filling out applications for permits and insurance and actors, finding out cast, looking for props, preparing my house, making shooting schedules and meeting agendas and organizing details. I am loving it all. I even bought a Directors slate.
Only in the moments when I begin to compare myself with other filmmakers do I feel fear. Or when I look at my life from the outside in.. what am I doing making a film and competing against 25 other teams, many of them seasoned filmmakers. Do I know how to be a director?
And also... I feel a deep sense of "who am I not to?" I know my life has been leading me here to this point. This feels like the beginning of what I am supposed to be doing. I have been dreaming of this path for so many years and I let fear hold me back. Fear can rob us of so many beautiful experiences.
No more. I want to live my life fully.. to give what I have to the universe. To be willing to try.. to learn.. to grow. I know I have always had so many creative expressions inside me.. it is time to finally be brave and set myself free.